As for things with Corey. I'm like fuck, i don't know...I just don't feel his anymore...I guess. Or that like ugh- things have totally flipped around and changed. and it sucks, cause i'm finally comfortable with myself, and now he just seems not there. or well in my world he is still everything- but in his world, I feel as if I'm totally there but behind so many other things...or that he's trying push me away or shrug me off. And I hate it...It's like I still talk to him everyday, and yet I miss him. I miss Corey...how things used to be. And I look back to what last year used to be, and it was so much different than how things have dwindled down to be, and I have no idea how I can change it. I feel as if it's so out of my control and that the only thing i can do is let time unravel all. But like, will he be patient enough to wait that time? Or will our relationship just break apart and become nothing but a simple past in the distance unknowingly? I honestly do not think that we would break up, it's just...things with us are dieing down drastically. And I love him more than anything, and the thing i want more than anything int his world is just for us to be okay. To be awesome, to be happy. To be an us, to be one, to be...i don't know- what we were before or better...
And I really don't think I did much harm with that "i luv u" txt...it was a simple txt that dind't mean much of anything. And there he is leading some other girl, Jill on. He hasnt' even acknowledged the fact that he has a girlfriend...he tells her that he likes her back, he ignores her questions when she asks if he has a girlfriend or not...so where does that put me? ..nowhere but in the back of his mind. Where does that put her? Completely led on...And I would totally understand why he would be hurt about that "i luv u" txt because i would be, as well. Just..I wouldn't be this badly hurt if i knew that the other person was someone that he was solely only good friends with. To me, I think that there are different types of loves...but I suppose that with him- there is onyl one...and it just sucks when two people love each other so deeply, so strongly, and yet their perspectives on certain topics just do no coorelate or match at all...
But bleh- i just wish I couold fix everything- I love him more than anything and just wish for things to be back how they were before. I wonder why he's still acting hte way he was today..like even when i got bak frum Italy..he wasn't even that excited he was lke, "Hey sweety.." and today he was so quiet and dind't really say i love you. I mean i kno he still feels it, which is what matters- it's just when he doesnt' say it then something is up. but idk who knowz...all i know is that i lov ehim more than anything and wish more than anything for everything to be okay in his heart. I love him and I want him to feel better.
posted by Sweet_Love @ 7:37 PM
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